I mostly made a tumblr to follow other tumblrs. (Is that the right plural?) The plethora of memes and GIFs is pretty amazing. Interested in LGBT rights, women's rights, and several TV shows.
Does anyone have a link to a back-to-basics article about good fanfic practices, like standards of content and chapter length and such (speaking as an old fart who only wrote a couple of shitty one-shots back when lemons were a thing)
Sorry in advance if this is too many links, lol. These are pretty much all about posting to Ao3…
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Your friends aren’t your therapists”?
If you’ve been on the internet enough, I think it’s a sentiment that’s pretty difficult to miss.
But you know what that means, right?
It’s meant to warn people not to place too much personal baggage onto their friends when they should be unpacking it with a professional. It’s to say that venting to your friends shouldn’t be your main source of coping. That is to say: most of your friends are probably unqualified to untangle complex emotional & mental health problems, and if you expect them to endlessly listen to your problems & have them help “fix” you, then that’s usually going to end up in stress and tension in your relationship (or worse).
Do you know what “Your friends aren’t your therapists” DOESN’T mean?
It DOESN’T mean that you shouldn’t ever seek any emotional support from your friends or that you should keep all your problems to yourself.
Yes, it’s important to establish boundaries in all your relationships. If there’s something you’d rather not hear from your friends (and vice versa) that should be talked about if it ever becomes relevant. If your friend is easily overwhelmed by a lot of emotion/stimulus, then you shouldn’t dump serious emotional things without checking in to see if it’s okay first. Over time, in a healthy communicative relationship, you get a feel for what’s okay and what’s not.
But goodness fucking me when I see folks say that they don’t deserve to express their harder emotions because “friends aren’t your therapists” I just… I mean woof y'all!
What kind of friend is a friend that doesn’t care if you’re upset? What kind of friend sees you struggling with something and tells you to deal with your own problems because they don’t owe you anything? What kind of friend comes around only if you hide your pain at all times?
A fair-weather friend, that’s what kind. A friend that’s only around for the good times, and goes away during (metaphorical) storms.
If someone only wants to be a fair-weather friend, that’s their prerogative. But I’m telling you all that you deserve the kind of friendship where your friends actually give a fuck about you. You deserve to take up space sometimes. You deserve to get heavy things off your chest with someone you love and trust.
If you want better, stronger, healthier friendships, it’s important to understand that intimacy is about Knowing and Seeing and Experiencing someone authentically. Taking off whatever mask we wear to get through the world and being ourselves and sharing that with another person. Anger, pain, grief… tackling these issues with each other builds trust and intimacy and makes everyone involved feel more important & needed & cared about. Isn’t that what all this is for?
Anyway, this is all to say: be open about your emotions. Communicate with your friends (& tbh in all your relationships). Learn each other’s boundaries, but don’t shut each other out just because emotions are scary to navigate at times.
Please be kinder to yourself. Seek intimate friendships, AND seek professional help when you need more support than your friends can provide. Just don’t assume your friends can’t give you any support! Assume that they love you and trust that they will tell you if they’re at their limit. And if they *are* at their limit or if they just aren’t comfortable with some conversations, respect that & don’t try to force it onto them.
Do not vote on this poll. Restrain yourself. Hold back your curiosity. Tamp down your defiant streak. Feel free to interact with the post in other ways — but whatever you do, do NOT vote.<br><br>Check back in a week to find out how good Tumblr users are at delayed gratification.
Since no one seems to be teaching the kids this anymore:
Don’t post anything with specific registration numbers on it, kids! This includes driver’s licenses (we’re so proud you can drive now, but don’t show us your name, face, address, and driver number!), passports (travel is fun, but just post pictures of what you saw after the trip is over!), train/plane/concert/show tickets (see above!), or credit cards oh my god people are posting their entire credit card online that will put you in massive debt and screw your credit score for life please do not!!!
This has been a PSA from your concerned friend online. Please protect yourself. Some secrets are not only okay, but necessary.
I’ve shared this story before, but some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten was from a writing professor who said, “The thing that makes your work interesting isn’t the stuff you’re good at, it’s the stuff you struggle with. Because you’ll either focus on improving those skills until you’re really good or you’ll figure out how to work around it in really cool ways.”
